BDSM is one of the most-searched kinks on the internet. And yet most couples who are curious about it never actually start.
It is rarely a lack of interest. It is that nobody tells you what the first ten minutes physically look like. Below are 19 challenges from the NaughtyApp dare database, in five levels, from a conversation with your clothes on to full restraint. Every one of them tells you who does what, with what, and for how long.
Three rules that come before everything
- Negotiate before you are naked. Limits, curiosities, hard no's - agreed at a kitchen table, not in the middle of a scene when nobody is thinking clearly.
- A safe word, plus traffic lights. "Red" stops everything instantly. "Yellow" means slow down or check in. "Green" means keep going. The person being dominated holds all of the power here, always.
- Aftercare, every time. Water, a blanket, being held, talking about what worked. This is not optional and it is not only for the one who was submissive.
Safety with the kit
- Restraints: you should always be able to slide two fingers under a cuff or a rope. Check hands for tingling or colour change. Never leave a restrained person alone, and keep safety scissors within reach for rope.
- Impact: buttocks and thighs only. Never the kidneys, the spine, or the back of the neck.
- Nothing around the neck. Choking and breath play are among the most dangerous things in BDSM and have no place in the early levels. None of the challenges below involve it.
Every challenge names who is dominant. All of them work with the roles swapped.
Level 1 · Talk first
Fully clothed. Nobody touches anybody. You cannot negotiate limits you have never said out loud, and this level is where you say them.
- Which side? Do you prefer to dominate or to be dominated during sex? Both of you answer, and both of you explain why.
- The kit. What do you think about using BDSM objects during sex - rope, handcuffs, whips, blindfolds? Would you like to use any of them?
- Your biggest fetish. What is your biggest fetish? Say it out loud, specifically.
Level 2 · First control
Clothes still mostly on. The first orders, the first spanking, and the first "thank you".
- By the hair. Kiss your partner while holding them by the hair, so that you control the pace of the kiss.
- Kiss my feet. She stands up and commands him to kiss her feet three times. He may also lick her ankles and her toes.
- Until it is red. One of you lies on their stomach. The other spanks their buttocks until they are red - then takes a picture and shows it to them.
- Ten, then thank me. She deserves to be punished. She gets on all fours with her backside raised, and he gives her ten lashes with the whip. She takes the opportunity to thank him.
Level 3 · Restraint
The rope, the cuffs and the clamps come out. At this level, one of you cannot use their hands.
- Hands tied behind the chair. She sits on a chair with her hands behind its back. He ties her hands together, then slides two fingers into her vagina and makes only small movements, while rubbing her clitoris very slowly with his other hand, until the timer runs out.
- Clamped, underneath her. He lies on his back. She clamps his nipples, then sits on his face and rubs her vagina and anus against it while putting a little pressure on the clamps. If he behaves, she can give him a little reward by masturbating him.
- Hips only. He handcuffs her so that she cannot move. She sits in front of him and has to find a way to give herself pleasure by rubbing her clitoris against his penis without using her hands - using nothing but her hips.
- From behind him. He sits. She gets behind him and wraps her legs around him, clamps his nipples, and starts masturbating him very slowly. Meanwhile she rubs her own clitoris, and from time to time she rubs her hand across his face so that he can smell her vagina.
Level 4 · Power exchange
Now the control continues during sex itself - and whoever is in charge decides what the other one has earned.
- Two lashes, move. She gets on all fours. He slides his index finger into her vagina as deep as it will go and stops. From then on he commands her by whipping her buttocks: two lashes means move, one lash means stop - until the timer runs out.
- Tiny movements only. He sits on a chair with his hands behind its back. She ties his hands, climbs on top of him and puts his penis inside her. Now she makes only tiny movements or contractions with her vagina, and pinches his nipples, until the timer runs out.
- Reward or punishment. He goes down on her until the timer runs out, while she grabs him by the hair to set the pace. Then she decides whether he has earned a reward - a blowjob - or a punishment - a spanking.
- Cuffed on all fours. She gets on all fours with her backside raised and her hands behind her back. He handcuffs her and penetrates her vagina until the timer runs out, pulling her by the cuffs or by the hair so she can feel how naughty she is.
Level 5 · Surrender
Every challenge at this level ends in an orgasm - and in every one of them, somebody else decides how it gets there.
- Only on the signal. She gets on all fours with her backside raised. He puts his penis into her vagina as deep as it will go and stops. She may rub her own clitoris with him inside her, but she may not move unless he gives her a lash as the signal: two lashes means move, one lash means stop - all the way to her orgasm.
- Seated on him. He lies on his back. She clamps his nipples, then sits on his face facing away from him, making sure she is right on his mouth and nose. Comfortably seated, she masturbates him until he comes.
- Cuffed, to the end. She gets on all fours with her backside raised and her hands behind her back. He handcuffs her and penetrates her vagina until she comes, pulling her by the cuffs or by the hair so she can feel how naughty she is.
- Tied, to the end. He sits on a chair with his hands behind its back. She ties his hands, climbs on, and rides him until he comes - and she may slap him and pinch his nipples to make it more intense.
Where to go next
If one side of the dynamic pulled at you more than the other, go deeper. Our femdom guide is built entirely around her taking control; chastity and orgasm denial is what happens when control extends past a single night; and the kinks guide for couples maps the rest of the territory.
FAQ
How do couples start BDSM?
With a conversation, not with equipment. Talk about which side appeals to each of you, what you are curious about, and what is off the table - before anything physical happens. Then start small: control through voice, a hand in the hair, a light spanking. Level 1 and 2 above are designed as exactly that first step.
What is a safe word?
A word that stops everything instantly, agreed before you start. Many couples use the traffic-light system: red stops the scene completely, yellow means slow down or check in, green means continue. It should be a word that would never come up naturally in the scene, so "no" or "stop" alone are usually not enough in role-play.
Is BDSM safe?
When it is negotiated and consensual, yes. The real risks are practical: restraints that cut off circulation, impact on the wrong part of the body, and anything involving the neck or breathing. Keep two fingers of slack under any restraint, never leave a restrained partner alone, and never do anything around the neck.
What is aftercare?
The time right after a scene when you look after each other - water, warmth, closeness, and talking through what worked. Intense scenes can leave both people emotionally raw, including the dominant partner. Skipping aftercare is one of the most common reasons couples decide BDSM "is not for them".
Where do these challenges come from?
All 19 come from the NaughtyApp dare database, which has 4,500+ dares across five intensity levels with a built-in timer, including a full submission category. Free on iOS and Android.
Hand over control - to the app first
The hardest part of starting BDSM as a couple is not the rope or the cuffs. It is that somebody has to propose it, and whoever proposes it feels exposed.
NaughtyApp takes that moment away. The app suggests it, so neither of you has to.
- A dedicated submission category, sorted into five levels, from talking about it to full restraint.
- It picks, you obey. The one who is dominant just has to follow through - the idea came from the app.
- 4,500+ dares across every category, with a built-in timer and a remote mode for the nights you are apart.
Agree your safe word. Then let the app give the first order.
👉 Download NaughtyApp free and start at level 1
Tried it? Tag us: #BDSM #KinkTok #CoupleChallenge #CoupleGames
